Hey kids, still working on a project here. That and waching Clint Eastwood movies (the old westerns, not that "Dirty Harry" crap...) seems to be on the schedule today. And not to sound too prissy, but I seem to be sporting a nasty case of ennui today. That and maybe a little bit of whooping cough (and while that might seem a bit of my absurdist-type humor, unfortunately I think it's actually true...) not that any of you asked.

But to make it up to you, I'll include a little somethin' I did a while back. It's been a while since you were all forced to endure some impromptu literary goodness so here's making up for it...

"All I'm saying is that the only people I know who own either accordions or ventriloquist dummies are white people."

It had been the first clear statement from Charles who was currently lying face down next to a half-eaten plate of hasbrowns and eggs covered in ketchup. He'd insisted on going out to get breakfast after the bars closed and promptly passed out after his food arrived. The others had slowly bled away after the first hour until only me and Katherine were left with Charles. I had been just to the point where I was wondering if this could be considered a date when Charles broke his silence.

"What?"

"You heard me, accordions and dummies. Only white people, rich white old people own those. And that's why anyone who has one is a fucker."

Katherine giggled softly. I kinda wished he'd just go back to sleep.

"Who ate my hashbrowns?"

"You did, Charles."

"Bullshit. If I ate that much I wouldn't be hungry. Who ate my hasbrowns?"

"Charles, no one else would touch them with as much ketchup you put on them."

"I bet it was you."

"I didn't eat your hashbrowns."

"Asshole."

Katherine was barely able to breathe she was laughing so hard.

"I bet you own a dummy, don't you?"

"Shut up, Charles."

"I bet you can talk without moving your lips, you bastard. Katherine, look at him, are his lips moving?"

Katherine kept laughing. Charles' head didn't move.

"That's what I thought, you voice-throwing jackass. You owe $2.85 for the hashbrowns you ate."

Me and Katherine were having such a nice conversation. She was telling me about her hopes and dreams and all of that proto-date kinda stuff. We were giggling and giddy and I was funny and charming and she was welcoming and alluring and best of all inviting.

"I have to piss. You better come up with my money by the time I get back."

Charles got up uneasily and bounced like a pinball between the tables on his way to the bathroom.

"I’m sorry about that."

Katherine was still stifling laughter. "Oh it's fine. He's hilarious. Is he always like that?"

"Sometimes. It's hard to say. He usually finds a new and exciting way to be obnoxious each time. Sometimes it's worse than others."

"Do you know if he's seeing anyone?"

-Joe