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Ah, what a glorious time of year it is. And what glorious people about us. And what big teeth they have, grandmother. The better to floss with you, my dear...
Thursday, April 08, 2004
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| All Things Slight and Bountiful...:: Joe | | 7:47 PM |
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It's Emma Caulfield's birthday today.
She's hot.
So's Amy Acker, as long as we're talking Whedon hotties.
Anyway.
Continued tweaking (in a non-chemical dependent kind of way, mind you) continues on the little site of perpetual joy and fluffiness. Soon you'll have a brand-spankin' new, never before seen (and probably poorly edited) short story courtesy of yours truly. A little ditty called A Friend Better Than You that illustrates why weepiness, narcissism and gasoline should never mix.
I'm still working on the grocery store story, too. Not sure when it will be done, but I'm pretty sure it'll be long before the Amish guy story gets done (for those of you keeping score). I finally tracked down the latest UNKLE disc as well as the new Sigur Ros EP. So far so good on both accounts, but I'm sure I'll have something more to add at a later point. In either case I figured I'd better pop in and let you know that just cuz I'm not around quite as much as usual, doesn't mean I don't love my turtle doves any less.
Out to ya...
-Joe
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
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| And now, something for all the kids at home::: Joe | | 4:59 AM |
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So it's nearly 5am and I'm chatting with Rex and a couple things have occurred to me:
1) The Cardinals are 0-2. To the Freaking Brewers. And it sucks.
2) Tech support with half wits is not worth the time. I won't name names, but here's a quickie version:
I have a piece of hardware that my system is not recognizing. Or only partially recognizing (it's supposed to load two drivers to operate it, but is only loading one) I've gone through all the troubleshooting steps and gone through a third party tech support who walked me through some other stuff. Finally I get to the point where I need to know when the drivers will load or be auto detected.
Now I'm worried about being misunderstood, so I restate my question three different ways to make sure I get my point across. So a couple days later I get a response e-mail from Mystery Company X and it's a cut and paste of their troubleshooting guide. I reply saying that I've done all of that and steps 4, 5, and 6 while I was at it, and it's not working, but all I need to know is what makes the drivers load or auto-detect kick in.
So, another day passes and I get another e-mail from tech support telling me to do steps 4, 5 and 6. Now the observant reader will notice that I specifically stated in the previous e-mail, that, in fact, those steps had already been taken and all I needed to know was the specific driver information I had requested not once, but now, twice. So I reply again, thanking them for the information, however redundant and stating again that I need to know what causes the drivers to load and when they are loaded (or any combination therein). This time the answer comes back within an hour. Their response:
"Yes."
Yes!?! The band? Did someone ask tech support boy if he wanted coffee at the exact second he was typing his response? Am I going mad? ¿Dice usted ingles?
This is just a smattering of the daily frustrations that go into putting together a quality product like Joe-Mammy.com for you guys.
Don't grow up kids, it's all headaches, ulcers, mortgages and recedingng hairlines...
-Joe
Monday, April 05, 2004
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| Average Joe Mammy...:: Joe | | 4:12 AM |
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Yeah, cute mug, ain't it? Who wouldn't love to see that on a daily basis? Maybe on a major network in prime time? Go with me on this; it'll be sweet.
Reality shows are so huge that they're flooding the market and reducing television to little more than glossy versions of peeping on your neighbors. It's in that spirit that I propose "Joe Mammy Rules You" the all-new captivating chapter in reality television. It'll be me and at the end of the series I get a million dollar prize. But in the meantime I'm treated like royalty and have a harem of aspiring model/actresses trying to vie for my attention (you see, if I marry one of them, when they divorce me they can walk away with up to half of my one million prize--maybe more if they get a good lawyer...) But wait, it gets better--in the meantime I get my novel published because I'm a celebrity and celebrities really don't have to write very well because they're famous and famous people have different rules. So, then All Things Right and Beautiful gets published and makes me even richer because it's just like Hillary Clinton's It Takes a Village without all that touchy-feely social commentary crap. Then the NEP goes quajillion platinum because I follow through on my promise to show my boob at the Superbowl (which helps motivate the Indianapolis Colts to win the game and give Tony Dungy that ring he deserves...)
Now here's the brilliance of it all. Once you're everywhere for a while and have made a buttload of money at the expense of the public, they either decide to deify you or hate you. If deified I promise to be so much less annoying than Madonna or Barbara Streisand that you'll wonder why you hadn't deified me sooner. And if you decide to hate me, I'll still be cashing the checks from all the "Best of the '00's" compilations and cheesy TV movies and feature film remakes of my work when I become kitschy and cool again. And I promise to go away and not try to convince you that I'm an artist or had bad management or used too many drugs or was the victim of unfair labeling. See, I'm a cultural dream come true. I reign supreme as long as you want and will happily go away when I'm done.
Just as long as that million dollar check clears the bank...
and those models show up...
-Joe
Sunday, April 04, 2004
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| The Rise of Mullet Man:: Joe | | 3:38 PM |
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So, I've got this hair. Trust me, at my age I already appreciate the fact that it's there--I've already seen the deforestation of landing strips in waiting on a lot of my friends. But I got a lot of it. And it's as ornery as I am. I've learned to compensate for the most part, but there's one thing that still drives me nuts. No matter how I get it cut (aside from just buzzing it all, I suppose) within a week or so it looks like I'm sporting some serious mullet action in the back. God forbid I wear a ballcap because then it just looks like a puffy "action" mullet. Now you may or may not feel like you have a good impression of me at this point, but hopefully "mullet" is not something that springs to your mind when you sort through these pages.
So, I'm off to get another haircut in hopes of containing the mullet menace that seems to be incessantly descending the back of my head. Maybe this is my Vietnam--working towards containment when it really makes no difference. Maybe I should just buy a nylon mesh ballcap and a wife-beater and settle in for the inevitable. But what fun would that be?
In other "news" I've begun working on another writing project. It's shaping up to be another short story, maybe a little on the longish side this time. I haven't abandoned the "Amish Guy" thing I mentioned earlier, but this one is just in the process of interesting me, so it'll be easier to get done. It's about a guy who meets God--not in a thunder and lightening sort of way--God runs the corner grocery store down the block. Should be fun. Anyway, watch for the updated review list sometime this week and I'll probably cycle in a different new story at some point as well.
Ah, and before I forget, check this out:
dude... i just finished listening.... that was gorgeous! thank you soo much.. it is an excellent remix... i like it better than the original..lol... i'll be uploading it to www.ampcast.com/oddio and www.acidplanet.com/automate tonite or tomorrow.. thanks again...
-andrew
Yeah. Who's yer daddy now?
-Joe
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