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Ah, what a glorious time of year it is. And what glorious people about us. And what big teeth they have, grandmother. The better to floss with you, my dear...
Saturday, April 24, 2004
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| A Message from Ranger Joe::: Joe | | 5:36 PM |
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Happy Day, Campers. Ranger Joe here to remind you to keep all campfires in designated areas, don't feed the bears and work sucks. If you keep these simple rules in mind you'll have an enjoyable soul-sucking time at your national parks and campgrounds. Ranger Joe would also like to point out that his beloved Cardinals are now a whopping 1-5 against the lowly Brewers (!?!) and the Avs are down 0-2 in their second round playoff series.
Ranger Joe is happy to give directions to the visitor's center and the Mammystone National Park Interpretive Center, even though he feels like he's going through the motions of an actual life in exchange for making payments and having to shave on a regular basis. However, don't count Ranger Joe out just yet, for his latest short-story is nearing the halfway point and, in spite of being dehumanized on a daily basis by a socio-economic machine designed to turn him into a credit score, he still rocks the mic. Ye-yeah. Uh. Funk it, baby. Uh.
Mammystone will soon feature, um, "Features" with the aforementioned interview with the one, the only Christopher Null as well as another interview with another person or persons regarding a topic near and dear to ol' Ranger Joe's heart. So remember to put out those campfires, discard trash in the specifically designated areas and Ranger Joe got da illest funk in da whole of da civilized world, ya'll. Word.
-Ranger Joe
Friday, April 23, 2004
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| The Zen of Joe. Part 2:: Joe | | 1:58 AM |
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When confronted with difficulty, the key is to realize that there is no adversary.
So things not going the way you want, eh? Life kicking you in the nads and then stealing your wallet, you say? Well, fear not, for Joe is here to explain away everything in a confusing and obtuse metaphor.
Let's say you have something in your sights and just when it looks like it's coming together for you, the floor falls out. The first reaction of most people is to try and analyze what's gone wrong, who's at fault, what situation could have been changed to make things work out, etc. etc. This is folly.
Now, some well meaning chap in the back row is likely to stand up and cry "But if we don't analyze our actions, we'll keep making the same mistakes over and over again!" At which point the Mammy Security Police will swoop down, pepper spray him and haul him out of the auditorium. Analyzing is not incorrect, however it all depends on motive. When you analyze in those situations you analyze them in hopes of changing them. There is no changing. That which has occurred cannot be undone. There is no "righting" a situation, only an attempt to return it to a former state.
There is only that which is. Things can be changed but never restored. You can never step into the same river twice, only a surface appearance can be reinstated. When you struggle you seldom fight things that are, but fight things that were--a battle which can never be won. You should confront what is with what can be--when you attempt to make changes based on what you've wanted in the past you are only setting the stage to fail.
Now, this is no excuse to live recklessly. Act rightly and wisely, but work to move forward. Do not be content to retrace your steps or look after that which is lost--if you find it, it will verily be tarnished, broken, and probably a lot smaller than you remember.
A parable:
There was a chimp named Steve who desperately wished he had been born a man. He sat melancholy while the other chimps frolicked and did chimp things. Steve saw people going about their business and saw them all wearing pants. He suddenly realized that if he were going to be treated as a man, he must look and act like a man.
Steven discarded all his chimp ways. He would no longer eat bugs off the other chimps or throw his feces. He used a couple of twigs as silverware and ate in a most dignified manner. He would walk about on his legs upright and even learned to say things like "excuse me" and "could you pass the salt." The biggest coup occurred when he managed to obtain a very smart pair of pants. He wore them proudly and decided he was ready to venture into the local village.
He proudly strode in and the villagers didn't make mention that he was a chimp. He lived among them, went to PTA meetings and sold insurance just like a normal. Years later, Steve fell ill and it was determined that there was no cure for his ailment. At his deathbed his neighbors were all around him and Steven confessed. "Dear friends, I've been living a lie, for I am no man, I am but a simple chimp."
The villagers looked around confused for a moment before one spoke up, "Steve, we always knew you were a chimp. We figured a talking monkey was a great tourist attraction so we let you stay here. By the way, you owe me $20 for the pants..."
Thus sprach Joe Mammy...
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
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| When it rains, it snows...:: Joe | | 1:46 PM |
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It's official kids, the first feature for the ever-wholesome and enriched with 19 vitamins and minerals website o' digestive well being (Joe-Mammy.com for those of you unclear on intestinal goodness...) should soon be done. I'll let the cat peak out of the bag. The first feature, um, features none other than the illustrious Christopher Null--head honcho and god-like entity of the eternally sunshiney Filmcritic.com.
That's right, ol' Joe e-mailed some questions to the good folks at Filmcritic.com and they were answered by the big guy himself. If you're looking for an entertaining and decidedly more comprehensive list of movie reviews, they've got it. Many of 'em with a similar brand of humor to what you've come to know, love and expect from Joe-Mammy.com. Should be a good start to a fun new arm of the great archipelago known as, well, I'm sure you know by now...
In other news, more work as actually gotten done (I poo you not!) on the latest short story. I'm probably at the 1/4 to 1/3 range with it--it gets easier from there, right? Who knows. But it's moving along, so hopefully soon I'll be talking about actually finishing the damn thing.
Any thoughts or suggestions for a feature, feel free to send a shout out and I'll see what I can do.
Who loves ya?
-Joe
Monday, April 19, 2004
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| Big Big News. Or at least news. Or, you know, rumors of news...:: Joe | | 2:10 AM |
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Well, another weekend past, another weekend of little getting accomplished. Sorry guys. I did make a little headway on the story, but far, far too little headway. However, the KFKOD site is up and more or less running. (Special props, praises and firstborn children going out to Platypus Man) I've also managed to create more work for myself, which should be cool, just, you know, more stressful.
You'll soon see on the Mammy title page a section devoted to "Features" which is going include interviews with cool people (no, it won't be me talking to a sock puppet named Mr. Slappy) as well as other exclusive content (in a non-pornographic kind of way) and essays by yours truly. I've already got some sweet interviews lined-up and more goodies on the way. Even in your hour of doubt you can rest assured that Joe Mammy has not forgotten his flock of meandering yaks. So come out the great grazing fields that is Joe-Mammy.com and enjoy the fruits of my labor.
And Sarah Lancaster is scary hot. So let the record show...
-Joe
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