This (unlike so many other things I tend to go off on) is a topic that I am preeminently qualified to speak on—the topic that is me.
Now, I should be designing a syllabus at this point because, let’s be honest, I’m a topic of considerable interest worthy of great study and contemplation. However, in this culture people are more willing to study the social implications of “Brady Bunch” reruns than something of real interest, so I’ll sum up.
I was born a while ago. I don’t remember it exactly, although I’m sure it was sticky and wet and probably not very attractive. Despite this unceremonious entrance into the world I soon became a walking, talking, eating, sleeping and pooping member of society (which apparently is all you really need to be to vote, but I digress…). My formative years were early (as is tradition with children in general) and had a lasting—even a “forming” impact on my later development.
I attended public school (Woo-hoo! In your face taxpayers!) and did just fine, thank you—although I tended to be the topic of many “if he would just try harder” conversations. In high school I believed I had finally found my calling when I learned that I was able to fly and devoted to God. However, I quickly realized that Sally Field had been the Flying Nun and I decided to strike out on my own path.
That path consisted of excessive brooding and growing my hair out. It was very original. It was so original that perhaps you’ve seen many people copy it over the years. It was a groundbreaking thing, I tell ya. In either case I also decided that I liked music and wanted to start my own band.
Now when I say “my own band” I mean “a band consisting of only me because I’m an ornery bastard,” which I proceeded to do. I started "Phase" (and it’s half-wit twin "Program One") in 1995. After the success of a couple of demos I released the "Phase/Program One" split EP "Cathartica/Intrasphere" to positive reviews and absolutely no popular interest. Hence, "KFKOD recordings" was born.
My lack of money-making ability didn’t stop me and I produced a few more albums (which are covered in more depth at www.kfkod.net) all of which were an improvement, but still not all that great. (By the way, original copies of "Cathartica/Intrasphere" are still available if you want to buy one… anyone… anyone at all?) "Phase" and "Program One" continued until around 1999 when I decided that having a nervous meltdown should be more of a priority than making new music.
After I finished with that I returned to my first interest—writing. Partly because I really enjoy it and partly because it seemed like a fun way to finally finish my senior thesis and get my degree. The result was my first novel "Softer, Shallow" and a number of short stories and a few essays. Also around this time I managed to land a gig at the local newspaper as the contributing movie reviewer. As a result I had the opportunity to sit through such cinematic classics as “Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle,” “From Justin to Kelly,” and “Rollerball” for no pay and write things about them without using words like “shit,” “celluloid enema,” or “send help.” To see more movie reviews check out the site and look for a title (sorry no classics or oldies—maybe someday when I have time…)
Now one of those short stories in the now nearly legendary thesis was a little ditty called "Dinnertime." This particular story captured the hearts of a nation and represented the hopes and dreams of an entire generation—not this generation, mind you, but one a ways down the line. Over the next couple of years I continued to work on my writing and managed to pump out a few more short stories and, finally, my latest novel "All Things Right and Beautiful," which is a continuation of the story in "Dinnertime."
I also began working on music again with my latest project, the aptly titled "the NEP" and the debut album "lilies of the field," which may actually be done sometime in your lifetime. Of course more information will appear here or there on this site or its various organs about any little thing that irritates me, so I’m sure you’ll hear about it.
FAQ
(Frequently Asked Questions)
Q: Who the hell are you?
A: Who the hell are any of us? You question, but not deeply
enough, grasshopper…
Q: Are you married/seeing someone?
A: Why? Do I look unhappy?
Q: I’m a young, hot, lonely woman looking
for someone just like you.
A: If you’re desperate, I’m available I guess…
Q: You seem to have issues with women. What’s
your problem?
A: Ah, where to start, where to start…
Q: Do we have free will?
A: That depends, what am I accused of?
Q: You don’t take any of this seriously,
do you?
A: Seriously enough to sign the check to keep this baby
running. Other than that, have you seen me? Would you take me seriously?
Q: Okay, we’ve established that you’re
a smart/dumb (choose one) ass. Do you do anything seriously?
A: I try not to, but I actually do enjoy baseball (Go
Cards!) hockey (Go Avs!) writing (Go Me!) music (see previous) and any
number of other more meaningful pursuits (Go, um, other stuff…).
I do have a serious side, but I also believe that to do anything with heartfelt
sincerity in this kind of venue is to overrate your own importance in the
grand scheme o’ things (but I’m also pretty sure I’m
going to crap all over this maxim the first time something pisses me off…)
Q: I like your work, any chance of buying it/ordering
it?
A: Maybe. I’m currently shopping "All Things
Right and Beautiful" around, so hopefully you’ll be able to pick
up some Mammy-merch at a local store at some point. Did I mention there are
still Cathartica/Intrasphere CD’s available?
Q: I wish to join the minions of Joe Mammy admirers
and fans. Is there any outlet for us to join together in praise of our glorious
leader?
A: Not yet. If there are more than, say, twelve of you in
this world (which is a sad thought on so many levels, but anyway…)
I’d thought about starting a message board. In the meantime it’s
just gonna be me and only me. Send e-mails and if they’re good I’ll
reply to them on the site. How’s that for a compromise?
Q: I’m looking for porn.
A: Look somewhere else. Please.
Q: Does "KFKOD recordings" work with
other artists? Can I get signed/distributed/treated like royalty by your groundbreaking
label?
A: Um, no. I’m always looking for projects (be they
musical or whatever) that interest me, but "KFKOD" is not a real
label, it’s just a moniker I slap on stuff that I put out myself (usually
to no one…) but if you think you’ve got something I’d
be interested in, what the hell, send me something and we’ll see.
Q: I’ve got a great novel/screenplay/play/book
of poetry; can you help me with it?
A: See previous response to music question.
Q: I want to support "KFKOD" and all
things "Joe Mammy"; can I send you money?
A: Um, are you feeling okay? If you really want to PayPal
cash or something, I guess we can work something out. I’m all for donations—it’s
democratic. I’ll even send you something of considerably less value
in return. It’ll be just like public television except without, um,
dumb stuff.
Q: I have questions about life and love, can
you help me, Joe?
A: Probably not, but it might be a good laugh if you share
your pain. Laughter is the best medicine, right?